A woman I met asked me about a relationship that she felt was getting a little more serious. She called me to get advice on how to keep her Christian values while dating. She wanted to know how a Christian woman conducts herself in a godly way. Unfortunately, she did not like the advice that I gave her.
I knew the man that she was interested in. I was put in an awkward position by this knowledge. She was really starting to fall for this man, and yet I knew that he did not have any intention to get serious with this woman as he was still seeking other women to possibly search to be his mate.
He was seeking a wife, but didn’t know how to find her. He searched high and low looking for the one that he could spend the rest of his life with. But how did he search for her? On their first date he kissed her passionately thinking he would know after that first kiss. That one kiss was just a test for this man, but for that woman that first kiss meant so much more, like in her mind she may have already started planning their wedding.
When she shared with me the story of the night they kissed. A bright red flag appeared in my mind. I had to be honest with her because that red flag was because of the way he was leading her on. My heart is for the women who get entangled in the feel good of relationships and I want to prevent women from getting hurt in this process. This is what I saw happening with her. She was also looking for feel-good advice, but I had what I call an exfoliating effect on her. I was rubbing her the wrong way.
She wanted this relationship to work, so she didn’t like the stop sign that I put in her face. She did not like that I told her that she needed to guard her heart and keep herself locked up. I told her to open her eyes and watch for red flags and when she saw them to stop immediately. God gives green flags.
The reason I felt that he was leading her on was because he told me that he had no intentions with her. Knowing what he said, I formed an opinion that this woman’s heart was going to be broken. And it was! Her heart was wounded when he chose someone else to pursue.
Kissing is a very sacred moment. I feel in my heart that kissing should only take place if you are sure that is the person that you are going to spend the rest of your life with. It is a beautiful thing when that first kiss is something that is held in high regards between God and your future mate. It should not be taken lightly.
The world's standards have become so low, and the majority feel they need to "test drive the car" before they purchase it. However, that is not how the Lord works. He has called on his children to walk by faith and not by sight or emotions.
So many women are falling prey to awakening love before it so desires, and they are meant to be a sealed fountain, and an enclosed garden only to be opened by the one God sends their way. If he was not sure that she was the one, then he should have hands and lips off because that awakens the desires of a woman too soon (A RED FLAG)!
My husband waited to kiss me until he knew that I was the one he would marry. He himself held my body very sacred and holy and feared the Lord in the way he approached me.
We waited for sex until we were married, and our intimate time is wonderful because of the purity that wraps itself around our marriage bed. Kissing will always take you farther than you should go, regardless of "how strong" you think you are. Women need to be treated as the holy vessels that they are. In the most holy place, the fear of the Lord should grip our hearts to not take this lightly.
We all know that red means stop; yellow means slow-down; and green means go. So you might then ask, “When is it a green flag”?
For a woman, your green flag is how much value a man has placed on you, by respecting the boundaries that you have established. Because ultimately most men will only go as far as you let him. If you are a guarded treasure, they will see so much more value in you. If you give in to that first kiss, they will not see much worth, and it will not mean that much to the man as it did to you.
One way to stay a guarded treasure is to have strong mentors stand by the door of your heart and keep watch. Be accountable and receive the well intentioned advice. It will prevent your heart from ever being broken again.
For a man, your green flag is when you find a woman who has her guard up. She will be a woman you can trust. She will not give in to smooth talk. She will be old fashioned in her thinking and she will not pursue you. She will wait for your call. If a woman is calling you, texting you and pursuing you, that is a red flag, and you need to run in the opposite direction.
The Bible said that the man is blessed when he finds a wife. It does not say that the wife is blessed when she finds her husband because you as the man are to find her. Just like looking for a treasure, because that is what she is. When you find this woman, protect her heart, and respect her boundaries, and you will see that the Lord will awaken love in His time!