And between the old and new — the 'was' and the 'not yet' – there exists only one thing: a very frightening journey called faith. It is stripped of the usual comforts. It comes in one color: dark. It offers one amenity: catharsis.
-- Margaret Becker in 'Coming Up For Air'
If we’re honest, everyone longs for the bonuses, the benefits and the blessings that positive change can offer.
True enough, the future is expansive, ripe with possibility, and can appear quite friendly (on certain days, under specific circumstances).
Depending upon one’s perspective, one’s resiliency of spirit, and one’s ability to access and evaluate accurately, tomorrow may be viewed as a gratuitous opportunity.
Balance this opportunist mentality with the sobering fact that personal transformation is a lifelong process. Those of faith would term this forward-moving alteration of character, “progressive sanctification,” and the passage from what “one was or is” to what “one can be,” never ceases.
So it is not surprising that most individuals wrestle with the personal adversary (formidable foe that it is) of regret.
Shoulda, woulda, coulda’s haunt men and women alike, the young and old, and everyone in between. Every person has said, done, or thought something (or failed to), which they ultimately come to regret.
As perfection is nonexistent on planet earth, all must reckon with their personal mistakes, wrong choices and ill-made decisions.
So how does this painful truism square with summoning up the courage to walk forward?
Author of "Lost in the Middle," Paul Tripp, says, “… the more life you have behind you, the more dreams give way to reflection, and before long you are spending much more time looking back than looking forward. You become a regular spectator on the person that once was. And you don’t always like what you see.”
Still, there exists some paradoxical principle that even the worst of happenings can be changed over and remade for the good. But for this transformation to take place, a person must be, first of all, honest, facing past regrets with courage, then willing to learn from these mistakes, and, finally, face the future with expectant, hopeful possibility, forging new habits, patterns, and lifestyle choices on a day-by-day, hour-by-hour basis.
When individuals face their failings, something significant can happen, something quite wonderful, in fact. Tripp shares that as clarity is realized, “This moment of personal honesty and truth can be crushing and paralyzing, or it can be the beginning of a remarkably new phase of redemptive insight, change, and personal celebration.”
Reasons for banishing regret
- Regret is futile, inefficient and unproductive; it offers nothing by way of solution.
- Regret paralyzes, no forward movement can coexist with fear-bound inactivity.
- Regret cannot make amends; only pro-active restorative actions can bring healing.
- Regret is shortsighted, fixed on yesterday’s failings and doesn’t see the whole picture.
- Regret produces anxiety, fear and dread, short-circuiting both physical and mental health.
- Regret denies the possibility of change and refuses to seek help in order to change.
- Regret is a thief that robs and robs and robs never to be satisfied.